I’m like almost every other girl… I’ve been looking forward to my wedding my entire life.  Really, I have.

I’ve always thought about the details, the food, the colors, my bridesmaids.  You name it, I’ve considered it.  Even now, we’re not officially engaged, but planning… and hell, I’ve got the whole damn thing figured out.  I’m so Type A.

There are a couple things, though, that I really didn’t expect to feel.

1. First, I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve considered just going to the JoP and getting this over with.  While a wedding will be a blast, I really just want to be married. A couple times I’ve even said it out loud {GASP}… Mr. Man simply responds with “soon, babe.  soon.”  I guess that’ll do.  Soon may not be quite soon enough, but whatever.  As tempting as a courthouse wedding seems presently, I’m pretty sure that I’d regret it down the road.
2. You know that one little detail? The one that makes your wedding day all about you? Well, it’s making me downright uncomfortable.  I’ve performed on stage in front of hundreds of people.  Spoken publicly.  Man, I even cooked with Emeril Lagasse and was on TV for it.  I’ve never, ever had stage fright.  So why now, self!?  The more I think about, and plan, my outfit, accessories etc.; the more uncomfortable I get.  I was talking to one of my BMs the other day saying something along the lines of “you guys will wear bla bla bla and I’ll have bla bla bla.”  What’s with me that already I don’t like the idea of standing out?  Odd.  SO not like me.
3. Lastly, I’m obsessing about what my pictures are going to look like.  I’m pleased to announce that I’ll have the best photographer ever (I told Mr. Man that if she doesn’t take our pictures, I’m not getting married.  It’s that serious.) and I’m not worried about the pictures.  Work with me here, I’m aware this makes no sense… In the back of my mind, my OCD-ness is wondering if my real wedding pictures are going to stand up to what I’ve envisioned in my head my whole life.  I guess that the groom was always just a generic stand-in made up shadow of a person; and now it’s a real person.  What I’ve wanted for my wedding has changed 100 times over the years; I guess I’m just hoping that the pictures reflect us.  I’m hoping that I execute this wedding in a way that will make me proud 20 years from now.

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I get daily thoughts emailed to me every day from Real Simple. If you don’t get this magazine, you should. It’s the most amazing magazine ever and they even have a wedding one out right now (I think they publish a wedding magazine each season–but I’m not 100% sure on that). Anyway, the daily thought/quote is one by Lee Iacocca:

In time of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.

Hmmm, besides trying to find a job right now and work on my relationship with Sunflower Dude, wedding planning is got to be one of the most stressful things. Of course, I’m not into the heart of wedding planning yet, I’m still on the outer edges, looking in on all the stuff that will have to be completed as May 8th gets closer but there is still stress. It’s a stress that sits there because I know it’s coming. Like every time I think about coming up with a schedule for the wedding day and picking out songs for every single little thing during the ceremony and reception I just about break out in hives. Yes, already. Right now I’m just trying to find out how everything is going to come together and I’m getting frustrated trying to get in touch with a baker and florist who are in my budget.

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I knew the days leading up to the wedding would be stressful, but I figured that stress would be generated by having a to-do list longer than I could manage or a forgotten item at home. I could only wish that were the case.

I didn’t expect to be stressing over Pink Eye 5 days before my wedding.

Wishing this was the kind of "Pink Eye" we're talking about!

My family has gathered down here in South Florida to spend the week prior to the wedding together. From New York, I went to Boston last Friday, picked up my wedding dress and stayed with my sister. She and I (and her twin babies) flew to West Palm beach on Sunday and joined up with our parents.

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Just two days after Christmas, my mom and future mom-in-law joined me on a search for “the one.” The dress that would make me look the most beautiful that I ever have, the dress in which I will become a Mrs.

We found it that day and at the right price too! I won’t tiptoe around how expensive my dress was, the price tag said $599 and they were running a $50 off sale. That seems like a sign to me, so I ordered the dress.

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I just got back to NYC from a weekend of wedding planning in Delray Beach, FL with my mom. It was…. stressful…and COLD. I had been looking for a short break from the winter chill, but got 35 degree temps down south. Thankfully, the afternoon of my arrival was beautiful and I got to visit again with the 2 giant palm tress under which we will say our vows (still left to be written).

My mission down in Delray was to find a rehearsal dinner location, and to meet with all the vendors I have selected from afar. Mostly, I am happy to report, I feel like I got a lot done on my 3-day trip. But there are still lingering questions that are obstacles in our planning (such as still no clarity about the rehearsal).

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I keep have wedding nightmares and though the obstacles presented in each dream do indeed vary (from missing wedding gowns to raw food on plates), in each scenario I run into this one rather significant problem:

I am standing at the back of the lawn about to walk down the aisle and I realize, at that moment, that we forgot to write the ceremony. AGGHHHH!  Since my Brother is scheduled to officiate for us, who has no ministry background, we are creating the ceremony from scratch. If we were to “forget” this little detail, we’d have a big problem up there at the alter under the palm trees.

Help me fill this page. Please?

I figured in order to stop the madness nightmares, I should just get on with it and start writing the ceremony. Which I did 10 minutes ago, and yet already I am here blogging about it. Why? I will admit it: I am procrastinating.

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My makeup was done, and it was time to start the hair. We were running a bit behind schedule, but I wasn’t going to get too worked up about it. There was one thing left that needed a decision… and this is where I felt TORN.

If you have been reading a while, you will remember that I have had some struggles with my father. I wrote a (PART 1) post on whether or not my dad would be walking me down the aisle… and I never finished the story. I had a couple of reasons for not finishing it, but for all of you out there who were awaiting the results, it wasn’t fair of me to leave you hanging. I didn’t write about it again, because it was simply too painful. BUT, the wedding has come and gone, and I really want to share the story with you now, so that it can serve as ‘one bride’s experience’ that might help other ladies in similar situations prepare for what family-conflict really looks like in a wedding.

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From quickstopentertainment.com

This post is/has probably been my most dreaded post to date… oh wait, that didn’t sound right, it’s the ONLY post I have been hesitant to write. The basics are this:

My disclaimer… drama is inherent in relationships, and I am certainly not going to say I have been dealt a bad hand of cards when it comes to my relationships (especially with my dad). I have been dealt my own hand, and I have NEVER felt sorry for myself, nor have I ever used my history/reality as a crutch in how I conduct myself in my personal/professional/emotional/spiritual/… journeys. BUT, every person’s reality plays a part in defining their experiences, and I hope that my experiences with weddings/family/etc can shed perspective for some/all of my readers. This post (and the follow up) will contain my honest feelings/perceptions/experiences… no judgment required (please!).

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My monthly email came yesterday, telling me I had 5 months to go. I have mixed feelings about this. First of all, it seems like a long way off, and part of me is really ready to just get this show on the road. I’m ready for the party, and I’m really ready to be married. I think part of this stems from the fact that there’s not a ton to do until mid July. Yes, we’re making the invites, but we have a pretty clear idea of what they will look like.

In July, the maids are coming for a weekend of fun in NYC, including a night at the bars and a morning detoxing at the spa. Two weeks after that, I have my one and only bridal shower (which as I’ve mentioned, I’m not looking forward to). So really, until we get to August, and the dress fittings and invites go out, I’m waiting here for a bit.

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1. My minister didn’t show up, but his son did and he was an idiot.

2. They played “here comes the bride” when I walked down the aisle  and I cried and made them start over, only to hear Willie Nelson when I walked down the second time.

3. My dress didn’t show up and I had to wear a bridesmaids dress

4. I was sweating so bad my extensions fell out

5. We forgot it was the day of the rehearsal dinner and so I had my wedding dress on

6. We forgot to rent lights for the tent…

You will be happy to hear none of these things have actually happened… yet… this is just a glimpse into what my dreams have been lately (nightmares rather).  Is this a sign that I’ve lost it? Is my wedding consuming my life? Is this normal because we think about it quite a bit? Do I need a doctor?!?! lol.  I really don’t even think we are nuts about planning, I guess I think about it more when I’m sleeping.