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Tag: mother in law

Violet Bud

Bridal Shower Woes

February 1st, 2013 by     

Recently, my amazing MOH has started doing some research for my shower. As all good planners do, she asked for a rough estimate of the guest list. I went to my mother and she and I compiled a list of people, all of whom have known me most of my life, are close friends, or relatives. Then, I asked my MIL for her guest list, which is where my etiquette conundrum began.

On the list she gave me, of the 40 people she wanted to invite, I had only ever met (and remembered meeting) 13 of them. Violet Dude informed me of a few relatives that were on the list that I met at a family reunion once, but I couldn’t pick them out in a line up if I tried.

I’m planning on calling my MIL and having the discussion with her about reducing her guest list. This is my reasoning:

1. The bridal shower should be people that know me, that I’ve met and that I don’t have to be reintroduced to at my own bridal shower.
2. It’s kind of rude to invite people, who haven’t met me before, especially because the shower is a gift giving occasion. I’d feel really uncomfortable receiving a gift from someone I’ve only met once or that I’ve never met.
3. Her guest list is almost as large as my mom’s and mine combined. (We both have around 22, so it’s 44 combined) I have a problem with this, since it is MY shower and Violet Dude won’t be there.
4. I think having 80 some guests is a little overwhelming for a shower. I know some of you are planning weddings that aren’t even that big! But, I don’t want to have two showers because finding time for us to have one is going to be stressful enough.
5. The day should be about me, my friends and my family. I have become close to Violet Dude’s family as well, and I’d like to invite the ones I have become close to, but I’m relatively sure that his second cousin probably doesn’t want to come to my shower any more than I want her to be there. The wedding is a different story completely.

So, Garden, what do you think? Am I being a bridezilla? Should I just give in and let her invite all 40? Or, does etiquette dictate that I’m making the right choice?


Rehearsal “Dinner”

July 31st, 2009 by     

Since Calla Lily Dude and I are fairly nontraditional folks having a fairly nontraditional wedding, you might think we are doing away with the traditional rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. But we still plan on having a rehearsal and meal afterward–a rehearsal lunch instead of a dinner, so we are calling it the rehearsal “dinner.”

We figure, all the key players need to be on the same page, so we need to do a rehearsal and what better way to thank folks than to feed them and enjoy each others company before the wedding.

We had planned on just eating pizza at his parent’s house after the rehearsal, but his mom has taken the reigns because “the groom’s parents traditionally host the rehearsal dinner.” At first, I said that we would plan it, but I can’t deprive his mom of this opportunity to plan her first rehearsal lunch, can I?

We requested it be laid back and casual, after all, the rehearsal can’t be fancier than the all-you-can-eat-BBQ reception. The plan has changed from a simple lunch at his parent’s house to a fun get-together at a local restaurant.

She settled on Zza’s Trattoria and Enoteca, a lovely little Italian place with a gorgeous view of Lake Merritt, my favorite place in Oakland and also within walking distance of our venue (where the rehearsal will be held).


The view from Zza's, from

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