A link to a very interesting article was posted recently on a thread over at the forums on Wedding Wire, that discusses the many tiers of a bride – based on her budget.  Naturally, I landed on the bottom rung, which didn’t surprise me.  What did was the seeming lack of respect the author had for brides on such a small budget.

Here’s a direct quote:

“DIY Bride: (Budget: under $5000) Someone who probably doesn’t have the resources to get married just yet and is likely to turn most of her wedding into an Arts and Crafts project.”

Maybe I’m just a bit sensitive, but being a DIY bride with a total budget of about $4,000, I was a bit offended that my wedding is considered an Arts and Crafts project.  Perhaps, I need to thicken my skin.  The article is written from a wedding industry perspective for wedding industry professionals, not specifically for brides-to-be.  However, I feel that saying brides like me don’t “have the resources to get married just yet” is a mis-statement.  Many brides with small budgets and long DIY lists, like me, choose not to spend tens of thousands of dollars on one day, intentionally.  CC and I could have had a formal, black-tie, multi-course dinner for our reception, but we chose not to – it’s just not our style.  We prefer to showcase our creative and artistic talents in our wedding to ensure that it is our wedding and not a cookie-cutter industry standard.  We feel that it represents us more than store bought items that are not only common, but often times impersonal.

What are your thoughts about this article?  Are you a “DIY Bride” with a budget under $5,000?

To show our love and appreciation to our friends and family is very important for Towie Bear and I. Once we receive a gift, we immediately send a thank you note. According to wedding etiquette, 3 months is the maximum time allowed to send your thank you notes.

A couple of tips that I’ve learned about thank you notes are:

- On the note, mention the gift that was given to you

- Make it personal by writing something that shows your guest, how much you appreciate the gift that was given to you.

- And also, write about the nice gesture of your guest as well as how much you enjoyed their attendance at the wedding.

- Have a spreadsheet that can help you stay organized and mark off the guests that send you gifts, as well as the thank you cards that you mail to all of them.

I also tried personalizing the thank you notes a little bit, by adding a stamp on the back of the envelope that read “Gracias” which is thank you in Spanish. Since I’m a Latina, I thought that this little detail would add something personal to the thank you card.

How do you show your appreciation to your guests?

jarrodskeggs.com

These amounts are recommendations only. Please be aware that some vendors, especially caterers, bar services, and transportation companies, may add gratuity to their total bill. Check each contract carefully before deciding on gratuity amounts. Etiquette states that you needn’t anticipate gratuities for the consultant, florist, photographer, or videographer unless extra-special service is received.

It is recommended that you put each gratuity in a marked envelope and hand them to your catering manager or wedding planner at some point during the wedding week. Let these people be responsible for handing out each tip at the end of each vendor’s service. This will avoid confusion on the day of your wedding. Some places say that you should let the Best Man take care of it, but I would rather let him have a good time then worry about it!

Hair, Makeup and Nails 15%-20% of the total bill

(If the bridal party is paying for their own services, it’s nice if you take care of the gratuities, but it is not necessary.)

Servers $20.00

Bartenders $20.00 per person

Restroom Attendants Or Coat Check $1.00 per guest

Parking Attendants or Valets $1.00 per car

Transportation 15-20% of total limo bill

DJ or Musicians $20.00-$25.00 per person

Banquet Manager $100-$200

Today is the day we had asked all of our response cards to be returned.  We are meeting  in 4 days with the planner at our reception site and need to have almost exact numbers for things like food and chairs.

These are our actual response cards.

I would say out of the 125 invites we mailed out…we still have about 20 or so response cards we haven’t received back.  We made it easy – we include a self addressed stamped envelope in the invitation for them to easily return it.  Some of the people my mother has spoken to have said things like “I thought you knew we were coming”.  I think she is as equally frustrated as I am.  We just want the actual physical response cards sent back to help with organizing and planning.

Why do people not return their response cards?

Source

No one would be grading my “wedding work” so why did it all matter? Because I am a self-confessed-sometimes-perfectionist. I found reading blogs about less than perfect people to be quite helpful. But the greatest gift any wedding blog has ever given me was this one simple article… Your Wedding is Not a Contest by the Offbeat Bride. Finally someone telling me in no uncertain terms that it’s okay to break tradition and it’s okay to be somewhat traditional too- and that there was really no way to get it wrong. It’s just about us.

So if I want to wear a champagne gown that initially my mother threw a tantrum over; and if we do want to get married in a Chapel- not a Church; even if we want to get married an hour and a half away from the major airport; even if we  think the bouquet toss is silly; and even if we hate wedding cake and love tiramisu…. it DOESN’T MATTER! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean it doesn’t matter to us- it just means that being authentically us from our Alt-Rock musical stylings, our beautiful Chapel far away from the city, and my amazingly not white gown… it’s perfect just the way it is.

Russell Stoneham

Offbeat Bride

We’re somewhere in the middle…which was just right for Goldilocks. Did you find it hard to let go of your type A personality during wedding planning? Was pleasing everyone too much for you too? What were your struggles Garden? I’d love to hear them!

I received so much encouragement for you awesome buds and blossoms and some great advice for long term storage (fabric bags hanging bags, not plastic!).

I am extremely happy to report that I tried on my dress, plus new jewelry and half-done veil and I am STILL in love with my dress!

I am however not in love with the hair comb I purchased and will be taking advantage of the 30 day return policy.

Lilac Dude has counseled several guys on engagement rings and we counted ourselves lucky to help another friend figure out how he wanted to propose to his lovely lady. I find myself talking dresses, flowers and photographers with different brides to be. This is where I have power, I can recommend using certain vendors and recommend steering clear of many others (David’s Bridal for one).

From NYC Photography Blog

Just like in Spiderman, with great power comes great responsibility. My responsibility is to my friends, I’m going to be honest with them. If I’ve had a great experience, such as with my Alfred Angelo store, I’m going to tell them about it. But if I have an equally bad experience, I will warn my friends away.

In turn, I find myself going to recent brides or very soon to be brides asking for their advice and reviews. I can promise that I steered clear of some photographers because of their reviews.

If you’re recently married, review your vendors here to help planning brides and grooms out.

What about you, do you feel powerful when giving recommendations?

I like things to be pretty so of course wedding postage was appealing to me! Then I saw the price! Ouch! $19.70 per sheet of 20, that’s almost a dollar a stamp…. the post office only cares that there’s 44 cents on it.

From Zazzle.com

So today I decided to visit the post office website. Lo and behold they have wedding postage for 44 cents a stamp! (The actual going rate)

From shop.usps.com

Even though I found these great stamps, I’m still bugged by this postage line in my budget. So I need some advice, how can we save on postage? Are hand delivered invitations to geographically close friends and family a breech in etiquette? Are there other ways to save?

Source: http://www.pwbooks.co.uk

For example, with respect to holidays and gifts Periwinkle Dude is always a spendthrift.  I am all about generous gift-giving, and I love sending token flowers or cookie baskets to let family and friends know I am thinking about them, but I’d prefer to give a gift with high sentimental meaning rather than an expensive one.  And I am not afraid to shop for discounts or use coupons, especially for everyday purchases!  With vacations, however, I am definitely a spendthrift.  Vacations are what keep me ticking, and it is often the case when planning one that I throw financial caution to the wind more so than Periwinkle Dude.  I’m always the one to suggest we stay a couple more nights, whereas Periwinkle Dude tries to keep a clear head when vacation-planning, pointing out that this likely won’t be our last vacation so we can do something else next time.  For me, the upcoming vacation is always “the” vacation; I don’t want to leave anything until next time due to the fear that next time won’t ever come!  When planning our wedding, I started out as the sole spendthrift but Periwinkle Dude quickly caught up as the months progressed.  ;)  However, spendthrift or tightwad rotations alike, we are both realistic in terms of what we can or cannot afford and do not go into debt for everyday or big item purchases.  We pay our credit card balances in full every month, and don’t live outside of what our salaries provide for.  As a couple, we recognize that we place different values on different financial categories, and remain flexible in our spending habits to accommodate one another.  So far, this outlook has worked pretty well.

Not only have we avoided WWIII over our finances, but we’ve even influenced the other’s spending habits in positive ways!  For example, I contribute to my 401(k) account regularly thanks to Periwinkle Dude’s encouragement.  I’ve also taught Periwinkle Dude a thing or two about bargain-shopping, using coupons, buying items on sale, etc.  Thanks to my encouragement (read: nagging) I think he’s finally starting to realize that those pennies and dollars saved at the grocery store really do add up over time!

Between you and your spouse, who is the spendthrift and who the tightwad?  Do your spending habits differ drastically from that of your partner’s?  If so, how did you come to terms with this realization in your relationship and how do you compromise to maintain a healthy relationship?

Today, I received an email from my boss (I have a great relationship with my boss and we often talk about things outside of our work life) asking if it was ok for an acquaintance of hers to wear this certain dress to a friend’s wedding.  This person was just an acquaintance of my boss, not a friend, which is actually pretty normal for my boss, as she is definitely known for her sense of style. She forwarded the email to me, with a picture of the dress attached, and asked me my thoughts.  I figured it was a harmless email… that is till I opened the image. There it was in all its glory… a long, flowing, WHITE dress.

This dress from JCrew is similar, but not exact

Of course my boss knew it was not a good idea, and was hoping that a current bride could give her advice on how to tell her politely that she should NOT wear the dress.  Unfortunately, I was not much help… I couldn’t believe that she even thought it was ok.  But I guess I should remember that many people just don’t know… whether it’s inexperience with weddings in general, their culture etc. Believe me, I have seen it done MANY times, and that person always ends up being the center of conversation which isn’t good for the couple getting married, or the person who wore the dress.

So, what do you think? Would you be offended if another woman wore a white dress to your wedding? What other guest faux pas do you think are inexcusable?

Source: New York Times

All quotes below from the article entitled “Is Marriage Good for Your Health?” by Tara Parker-Rope:  http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/magazine/18marriage-t.html

Published in 2005 in The Archives of General Psychiatry, the Glasers’ findings help explain epidemiological data showing that couples in troubled marriages appear to be more susceptible to illness than happier couples. The results may also have practical relevance for surgical patients, for instance, waiting for incisions to heal. But most important, the study offered compelling evidence that a hostile fight with your husband or wife isn’t just bad for your relationship. It can have a profound toll on your body.

Even if marital problems seem small, Waite says, the data suggest it’s wise to intervene early and try to resolve them. “If you learn to how to manage disagreement early,” she says, “then you can avoid the decline in marital happiness that follows from the drip, drip of negative interactions.”

… the emotional tone of a marital fight turned out to be just as predictive of poor heart health as whether the individual smoked or had high cholesterol. It is worth noting that the couples in Smith’s study were all relatively happy. These were husbands and wives who loved each other. Yet many of them had developed styles of conflict that took a physical toll on each other. The solution, Smith noted, isn’t to stop fighting. It’s to fight more thoughtfully. “Difficulties in marriage seem to be nearly universal,” he said. “Just try not to let fights be any nastier than they need to be.”

Let’s face it, every married couple is going to face their share of uphill battles, and arguments will no doubt ensue.  The important thing I try to keep in mind during these times is the love Periwinkle Dude and I share.  We try hard to “fight fair”, and we avoid calling one another names or saying things we will later regret.  I’ve also made it a point to try to address and fix issues that cause arguments, in an attempt to prevent repeat arguments in the future, which from the article sounds like a wise investment in my future health.  Sometimes of course this is easier said that done.  ;)  I’m not a scientist and I understand that every relationship is as unique as the couple that create it, so while this advice may work sometimes for some of the people, it’s not a clear-cut answer or narrative of all of the world’s marital discord.  But reading this article made me realize that the extra effort I put into my marriage, though tiring at times, is worth it if our marriage becomes stronger as a result.  And who knows, maybe that means Periwinkle Dude and I will in fact live a longer and healthier “happily ever after”.  I’ve got nothing to lose by trying!

What do you all think about the article?  Were there any pieces of it that you could relate to?

The title of this post comes from an energetic conversation my dude and I had last night in the car about all the chaos surrounding us. Though his English is better than most people I know who were actually born in this country, every once in a while he just misses the colloquial target and comes out with statements like, “When push comes to shovel, I guess I can’t really do anything about my parents not wanting to go to our wedding.”

It makes me want to stop and kiss him right in the middle of the road.

And yes, you heard me correctly. It looks as though his parents, who live with us and are supported by us, are turning down a free trip to Florida (we planned to cover their costs) for our destination wedding because at the end of the day they do not agree with his choice in a bride. I don’t speak their language. I don’t share their religion. I don’t subscribe to the traditions that bind their culture. Of course my dude is A-OK with all of that and is quite happy with the lady of his choosing (yes, that’s me), but they can’t let go of their disappointment so they are choosing to abstain from blessing us with their presence.

At this point of the planning process, just 40 or so days away, I have very little energy left to be angry about this. Especially since I am still dealing with the grief of my Grandmother’s passing, just 10 days go. It’s so strange. It’s like I see the angry emotions I should be experiencing just beyond my reach, but I just can’t get there to deal with them. More than anything, I am sad for my sweetheart. Sad that they are choosing to rob him of sharing this special day with them. That when he looks out to our friends and loved ones gathered on that Florida evening, he will certainly mark their absence. I find that to be tremendously unfair. And I guess when I really search my heart, I feel guilty. It is because of me that they will not be there. I know in my head that’s a ridiculous reaction, but by heart is struggling to see reason.

To some 3 1/2 hours of travel time for a bridal luncheon may seem like a lot, but I would definitely do it for these two ladies…or I would have until now.  One of them has family she visits about 2x a month that live an hour away from the luncheon location. It seems easy enough to me she would travel there that weekend and then attend the shower…apparently not.

The other one has a live-in boyfriend she travels frequently with and they are always heading up to the Washington, D.C area (where the luncheon will occur) for various weekend getaways.  I have yet to hear a true reason why they are not able to attend.  But I am sad and it deeply hurts my feelings.

I feel that I need to let them know this, even if it causes a riff in our friendships…but then again if they were truly my friends, wouldn’t they be attending my bridal luncheon?  Not to mention back in January both friends approached me at the same time to tell me that they wanted to host an engagement party for us… In case you are wondering… we have never had an engagement party…they brought up the idea…and never went through with it.

I am sure some of you are thinking “She sure does need some cheese with her wine”, I guess I just wanted my friends to share in our happiness.

Have any of you had friends back out of your pre-wedding events?

So, we’re in the process of writing out our envelopes for our save the date cards, and I’m wondering — how many of you follow the intense etiquette rules for wedding invitation addresses?  Just browsing online, I’ve seen a myriad of rules and regulations, many of which I have NOT been following. Here are some examples of the things I’m seeing:

• Write out names in full, including middle names. Omit a middle name if necessary, rather than using an initial.
• It’s appropriate to use the British spelling for “honour” and “favour”, unless you prefer to use the American spelling of these words.
• Spell out all words, including the hour, the date and the year. Spell out all words in the address, including Street, Road and Avenue. The two exceptions to this rule in an address are Saint (St.) and Mount (Mt.)
• Use Roman numerals in names, rather than “the third” or “3rd.”
• For ceremonies taking place in a house of worship, use “request the honour of your presence.” Ceremonies taking place in a non-religious setting should say, “request the pleasure of your company.”

For the most part, I think that all this etiquette is bogus.  Our friends and family will be happy to get our invitation, no matter how I spell “honor” — right?!

What's My Name?

I see plenty of good reasons to change my name, and plenty of good reasons to keep the one I was born with. More than anything, I just like my current name. It sounds good together, and in a small way it tells a little story (though I can’t reveal that here since we don’t dish our real names). Its a name that I’ve been attached to, or has been attached to me, for 36 years. Changing it now feels as strange to me as it would to suddenly be raven haired, 6-inches shorter or speaking a new language. An altered parallel-universe version of me. Bizzaro Snapdragon.

I received a long email from a recently married friend who laid out, at length, why it’s important to change your name when you get married. Among her reasons she listed that it shows respect to his family, it cements your status as a “cohesive unit” and positions you for a successful marriage (she claimed that every woman she knows who didn’t change her name ended up divorced). Well. I don’t know about those reasons. In fact, I flat out disagree with a couple of them. For me, the most compelling reason is actually down the road, if/when kids come into our collective picture. I want the same name as my children.

In truth, I go back and forth on the issue. Snapdragon dude, who comes from an uber-traditional family, says it’s up to me….though my guess is deep down he would be hurt if I didn’t make the change. Again, it’s such a personal decision and one I think each person needs to weigh carefully– and take any advice that comes along your path with a grain of salt. What’s right for me, may not be right for you. And I am thankful to live in a society where I am given the freedom to choose.

What I DO know is this: if you are planning to change your name, take a look at this website: MissNowMrs.com. If you have form-a-phobia like me, you will love spending $30 to plop in some details and have the computer spit out all the completed documents you need to register your new name with the various authorities (license, state, creditors, passport, social security, etc.). Awesome!

Preparing for all these weddings has got me excited again about the wedding planning process.  It’s great to be able to share my experiences and give advice to my friends.

Too bad those are not my legs!

One of the ways I have been helping some of my friends is passing along books and magazines that I found useful (not only did this help them, it helped clear out most of the wedding clutter from my house!  It’s a win-win!).  I was still getting some of my wedding magazines long after my wedding date. After skimming through them, I passed them along to these engaged friends.

I also bought wedding magazine subscriptions for three of my friends when they told us they were engaged.  It takes so long for wedding magazines to get you onto their distribution cycle that you have to start early!  As we all know, wedding magazines cost an arm and a leg at typical retail outlets, so it’s a huge savings to buy the year subscription.  My friends were all very pleased and excited when they received their first magazine.

Kim Kardashian shops for Bridal Magazines

The books that I found most useful are:

• Wedding Planning for Dummies
• The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions

Wedding Planning for Dummies was best as the first thing you read to give you a broad overview of everything.  The Knot Guide to Vows and Traditions basically helped us create our ceremony.  We chose quotes for our programs, designed our vows, and determined the flow of our ceremony and what components we wanted to add in.

I also used:

• Bridal Bargains
• Words for the Wedding
• Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette
• Bride’s Wedding Planner (a friend passed along an older version of this planner to me)

While all of these were good resources, I only really needed the first two (plus the internet).  They covered everything I needed in an easy-to read and easy-to-reference way.

Most of these books and magazines had comprehensive checklists.  I ended up using the electronic checklist through Weddingwire.com, but these were great resources to start my research and planning with.

What books/resources have you found most helpful?  If you could choose 1 book to advocate, what would it be?

Source

I recently read a blog post on 20somethingfinance.com entitled “Avoid Putting your Bridesmaids & Groomsmen in Debt” that provided cost estimates of bridal party attendants and some tips for keeping bridesmaid and groomsmen costs under control.  Here are the 3 main takeaways from that post:

When you ask someone be a bridesmaid/groomsman, put yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself, “If I were in their situation financially, would I like to be asked to be in their wedding for the same cost that I’m putting on them?”.

Do you really need 10 or 12 people in your wedding party? And do you HAVE to add that one poor sap just to even your pictures out? Really?? My wife and I had a Best Man and a Maid of Honor, and that’s it. We don’t regret it one bit and you probably won’t either.

What’s wrong with khaki pants (for the guys) and old prom dress for the gals (if they still fit)? In fact, that’s what we told our Best Man and Maid of Honor to wear. They spent nothing for the day of the wedding. Break free from stodgy American wedding traditions! You’ll like yourself more later on for it.

Pretty good advice if you ask me!  What do you all think of the article and of controlling costs for your bridal attendants?  Any horror stories or additional tips to share???

The only things that should last forever is your marriage and your photography – everything else is just details.

I think I agree.  I am going to try to keep this in mind when I am stressing over flowers and invitations and favors.  I knew from the get go that the wedding photography was important to me.  It is one of the first things I booked.  I love our photographer and her work.  From the moment I stepped foot into her home for our first meeting…I knew I was going to hire her.  I know that the photos she takes of us we will have forever and they will be passed down to our children…so I had no qualms when it came to the cost of the wedding photography.  Seeing our wedding photos is one of the things I look forward to the most about our wedding.

Here are a few of my favorites from our photographer to be, Amy Sandoval.

http://www.amysandovalphotography.com/

Do you agree that the two most important things are the marriage and the photography? Why or why not?

Image from The Moxie Mash

• Whenever I think of something to tell or ask a vendor, I feel like I’m less intrusive when I just email them and they can respond to me whenever they can.  Unless of course I need an answer right away, then I call.
• I am able to gather my thoughts better in an email.  Sometimes I forget things I need to say over the phone.
• I can proofread what I wrote in an email and make sure I said things correctly and tactfully.  I am able to control my emotions better while writing an email than talking on the phone.
• And my number 1 reason… Using email, I have written proof of the conversation.  Unfortunately, I have had vendors or representatives of vendors forget (or pretend to forget) what they told me over the phone.

It definitely helps that I have access to my emails most of the time.  But there are other cases that I prefer phone over email, like if I want an answer right away or when the conversation requires quick responses back and forth.  Best Practices has a good list of pros and cons of using phone and email.

I got invited to a black tie, Catholic wedding that’s taking place in February in Washington, D.C. We met the lovely couple at Pre Cana (remember I talked about how much we enjoyed it before?) and became friends fast. They are actually getting married at our venue as well and were kind enough to invite us along.  Unfortunately, Gardenia dude will be in New Orleans that weekend for my future brother-in-law’s bachelor party, but I’m not going to miss it.  That being said, I need some advice about attire.  Do I wear a gown to the church part of the wedding that starts at 3pm? The reception does not start until 7pm so there is a lag where I could go home and change and for some reason, I feel a bit strange wearing an evening gown to a church at 3pm in the afternoon.

What are your thoughts? The bride has told me I could do either, but since I don’t know any of their friends at this stage, I don’t really have anyone else to ask, therefore I’m turning to the BridalBuds community – any advice?

Dogwood Dude and I started talking about it and to be honest I was surprised to hear him say that he had always thought that we would first see each other at that moment on the aisle.  After we started weighing the pros and cons,  the pomp and circumstance faded and the private moment became more appealing to both of us. We actually started calling and emailing all of the photographers and asking their thoughts…this answer from Emily Harris Photography really stood out to me “I strongly advise brides to consider seeing the groom prior to the ceremony. It is a wonderful and intimate moment to photograph. More importantly, it gives me more time to photograph the bride and groom together (normally in beautiful daylight) and get all your family formals out of the way so that everyone can just enjoy themselves and the party after.”

This totally makes sense, but can I forgo the moment I always dreamed of?  Here’s the thing…our wedding is all about the party, that is why we kept it small and intimate. We want to spend as much time as we can with the people that mean the most to us.  I started looking at images of brides and grooms who do see each other before hand and they really are beautiful.

I’d love to get everyone’s opinion and why you would, wouldn’t, did or didn’t!

Source: www.esquire.com

According to Emily Post, wedding thank you notes should be sent within 3 months of receiving the gift. This was unfortunate news to me since I’ve always been a believer (and supporter!) of the common fallacy that couples have until their one year anniversary to both receive and send thank you notes for wedding gifts. Oooops!  Here are some other tips from our favorite etiquette mentor, Emily Post:

Who needs a note?

• Anyone who gives you an engagement, shower or wedding gift, even if you have thanked them in person. Individual notes should be written to people who contributed to a group gift.
• Anyone who gives a gift of money: cash, checks, contributions to savings accounts and donations to charities. Mentioning the amount is optional, but it does let the person know the correct amount was received. You should mention what you plan to do with the money.
• Your attendants. A warm personal note attached to your gifts to your attendants will let them know how much you appreciate their efforts and support on your behalf.
• Anyone who hosted a party or shower for you. Ideally these notes should be written within two days of the event. Each host or hostess should be thanked individually with a note and a thank you gift.
• People who house or entertain your wedding guests. A note and a small gift should be sent to anyone who houses or entertains out-of-town wedding guests.
• People who do kindnesses for you. The neighbor who accepts delivery of your gifts when you are at work; the cousin who supervises the parking at the reception – anyone who assists you before, during or after your wedding.
• Suppliers and vendors. You don’t have to write everyone you hire for services, but anyone who exceeds your expectations will appreciate a courteous note of thanks.
• Your parents or whoever is hosting your wedding.

Emily Post’s Ten Do’s and Don’ts of Thank You Notes

1. Do personalize your notes and make reference to the person as well as the gift.
2. Do remember that a gift should be acknowledged with the same courtesy and generous spirit in which it was given.
3. Do be enthusiastic, but don’t gush. Avoid saying a gift is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen unless you really mean it.
4. Don’t send form letters or cards with printed messages and just your signature; don’t use email or post a generic thank you on your wedding web site in lieu of a personal note.
5. Do promptly acknowledge the receipt of shipped gifts by sending a note right away or calling and following up with a written note in a day or two.
6. Don’t mention that you plan to return a gift or that you are dissatisfied in any way.
7. Don’t tailor your note to the perceived value of the gift; no one should receive a perfunctory note.
8. Do refer to the way you will use a gift of money. Mentioning the amount is optional.
9. Don’t include wedding photos or use photo cards if it will delay sending the note.
10. Don’t use being late as an excuse not to write. Even if you are still sending notes after your first anniversary, keep writing!

Now that you know to whom and how you should write thank you note, here are some suggested wording examples courtesy of elegala.com to help get you started and finished:

To a close friend or relative:
Dearest Aunt Sandy,
Thank you so much for the generous gift. As you know, John and I have been saving for a new home and your contribution will help greatly. We can’t wait to have you over for a housewarming party very soon! Thanks again for thinking of us and for sharing in our special day.

To a more distant friend, relative or business colleague:
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Lee,
Thank you so much for the lovely vase. It will go beautifully on our kitchen table, and Meghan and I will think of you each time we use it. Thanks again for sharing our joy.

To someone who couldn’t make it to the wedding but still sent a gift:
Dear Denise & Chris,
Thank you both very much for completing our sterling place setting collection. Martin and I look forward to using it at every special dinner we host. We truly missed you both on our special day and look forward to seeing you soon.

To someone who wasn’t invited to the wedding but sent a gift:
Dear Lorie & Mike,
Thank you both so much for the thoughtful gift certificate. Amanda and I look forward to purchasing new appliances for our kitchen with it. Thanks again for thinking of us during this special time in our lives.

Does anybody have any other tips or advice on thank you note etiquette to share with the garden? Did you/will you follow the “3-month rule”? If not, how long did it take you to finish all your wedding thank you cards?

I did give them all rave reviews on WeddingWire, and thanked them in that way, but I’m a big proponent of handwritten cards.

Well, the new year is the limit for me.  I plan to send all our excellent vendors thank you cards when I send out my Christmas cards, and I’m including a photo of the area of the wedding they helped with. This way, they can hopefully use not only our thank you notes in their portfolios, but also pictures of their goods and services in use.   I have photos of our beautiful flowers for our florist, photos of my hair being done (and the finished product) for my stylist, a great photo of our DJ in action, and more.  Hopefully they enjoy this extra touch and aren’t annoyed that the note came 6 months after the wedding!

What did you do to thank your vendors?

from http://teriberi.wordpress.com/2009/04/

I have always known that I wanted to keep my name, and Calla Lily Dude is more than supportive about it. All my coworkers, friends, and family knew that I would be keeping my name.

I don’t mind it when people call me “Mrs. Dude.” I get a kick out of it when people call Calla Lily Dude “Mr. Blossom.” However, I ran into a major problem with someone assuming that I was taking the Dude last name….

So, designing my own beautiful wedding album went off without a hitch, and the album that was shipped within 1 day of placing an order, but it took over 2 weeks to get to me at no fault of Shutterfly…

Why, you ask? Because my apartment manager assumed I would be taking the Dude last name… and took it upon herself to not keep my last name on our mailbox directory. Apparently, UPS will not deliver a package to an address if the receiver is not listed on a posted directory. Good for UPS, bad for me!

It took a week and half of back-and-forth between me, my apartment manager, and UPS. I got the album delivered, but my last name has not been added to the mailbox directory yet…

So, the moral of the story is to be more up front whenever your name is concerned, whether you are changing or not. While people should not assume that you are going to change your name, you can’t assume that people are going to double-check with you about it either.

from http://digifree.blogspot.com

…and your new to do list! Imagine that, after two and a half years of wedding stuff, I still have some wedding stuff to do now that we are married. The Nest provides this list of newlywed to dos.

Here is my post-wedding to do list:

• Send announcements (Check!)
• Write and send thank you notes (Check!)
• Clean and store my dress (Check!)
• Create and order wedding photo album
• Pack up wedding stuff strewn about my apartment
• Sell some wedding stuff or donate it
• Upgrade my sterling silver ring for white gold (which was supposed to be done before the wedding…)

Some of the common things you should do as a newlywed, we were able to take care of earlier (like calling Calla Lily Dude’s tax preparer) or I don’t have to worry about (like changing my name, since I am keeping my own).

I am happy to get some things off the list and was able to do so rather quickly with some planning. For example, I had our DIY announcements printed at the same time as our invitations and thank you notes, so I just stuffed announcement envelopes when we were getting our invitations together. Our announcements went out in the mail the day after the wedding.

I also printed 2 sets of mailing labels to make sending thank you notes a breeze. I even took a stack of thank you notes and a print out from our registry on our honeymoon, since I knew I would be up earlier than my dear husband and would need to kill some time. I am happy to report that I got all of our thank you notes sent within 2 weeks of the wedding. I like to think of myself as a thank you note rock star because I have several friends who never sent out thank you notes and regret it to this day, years later.

As for the other to do items, I am currently working on creating our wedding album using Shutterfly.com, but stalled on packing away the wedding miscellany in our apartment or selling/donating it . I think I am attached to all the wedding clutter after being surrounded by it for the last two and a half years, so I am reluctant to see it go… but I know I can’t have boxes and stuff laying about forever!

I have ordered several new wedding rings, so look for a post about that…

I am settling into married life quite nicely, but I still have to take care of a few more wedding-related to dos, so the wedding adventure is not over just yet!