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Bridal Party Woes

July 5th, 2012 by     


So, call me over-involved but I’m always keeping up with my bridesmaids about my bridal shower, bachelorette party and other wedding related events. I don’t want anything to be a surprise first of all (lol) and second, I’ve been in two weddings myself where things have happened two different ways. One bad, and one was pretty good, so all I want is to make sure everything goes smoothly and everyone is staying involved.

I was in my cousin’s wedding and the maid of honor did next to nothing while the rest of us planned everything, and then I was left to be the hostess and speak at the shower and bachelorette party because no one else felt comfortable talking in front of people (grumbles). The other one, the maid of honor made decisions and pretty much did everything herself (as far as I know) so I literally just felt like a wedding guest and not a bridesmaid.

With that being said, I really just wanted everyone in my bridal party to be involved. I knew it was more of a fantasy, but now I’m having “regrets” (is there a not-so-ugly word I can use instead?) about who I chose to be in my bridal party. My experiences¬†with the weddings I’ve been in and talking to other brides is that everyone has that “one bridesmaid” who doesn’t do anything, complains about how much things cost or is never available to get together with the other bridesmaids to plan things. The reality of it is that I’m just not as close with this bridesmaid as I used to be. I barely see her maybe once every three months and while I know I shouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid to begin with,¬†I felt guilty and did anyway. I hate hearing my bridesmaids complain about her, but there isn’t much I can do because I know they are right. To be honest if she wasn’t a bridesmaid, she probably wouldn’t even be on the guest list either.

With that being said, has anyone had “that bridesmaid” that you grew apart from during the wedding planning process? Or the one that your bridesmaids all complain about? If so, how did/do you deal?

5 Responses to “Bridal Party Woes”

  1. Orchid Bud Says:

    I haven’t had this trouble just yet. However, I have a friend who experienced something very similar to this in her own wedding. It was a girl she went to college with and considered her to be a good friend. But because of some personal drama, the bm ended up making a lot of trouble for my friend. She was never able to get together with everyone else, didn’t like any of the bm dresses my friend tried to pick out, complained about all of the costs, and everything. My friend finally had to sit down with her and say, as respectfully as she could, that she did not want anymore drama in her wedding. Her wedding was supposed to be a happy time and she was not adding to the happiness, but was taking away from it. Very kindly, she asked her not to be in the wedding anymore.

    Contrary to what you may think, it actually saved their friendship. She said the girl cried and apologized profusely but that she understood. She also said it brought them closer together as friends and now she considers her to be one of her best friends.

    I’m not involved in your situation, or the one I described here, but from reading what you’ve said I’m just saying maybe asking her to step down isn’t a terrible thing. Especially if she isn’t even someone you would have invited, were she not in the party. My personal opinion? I say don’t bother. :-) Good luck!

  2. Gerber Bud Says:

    I wanted to do everything I could to prevent this situation as I feel bride have enough to deal with without the added drama of a rogue bm. I just opted for my sister and my very best friend who I know doesn’t do drama.

    In your situation I would sit down with her and tell her honestly how you are feeling. If she cares and is a true friend then she will understand and she will change. If she doesn’t then you don’t have to feel bad about asking her to step down.

  3. C.C. Says:

    I actually grew apart from my Maid of Honor during my wedding planning, so that was pretty awful. I feel like I should’ve seen it coming since in reality we had been slowly drifting apart even before I officially started planning, but I had known her for the longest time out of all my friends and we used to be so close. I had asked her long before the actual planning started (I had a long engagement) and then couldn’t exactly un-ask her afterwards, even though we hadn’t been close in awhile. I think I talked to her a grand total of 7 or 8 times in the year it took me to plan the wedding. It was pretty sad…she didn’t throw me a shower or bachelorette party and worst of all was the toast she made at our reception which was completely devoid of emotion and personal sentiment. I never said anything to her about it, but since we didn’t have anymore contact for 6 months after my wedding (and then only exchanged text messages a few times), I think we were both pretty clear that things weren’t working anymore. It’s been 2 years since my wedding now and we don’t really talk at all anymore.

    On one hand, I’m glad I kept quiet because I didn’t want any drama and there wasn’t any (aside from what went on in my own head). My other bridesmaids knew what was going on, but it didn’t really affect them (my mom stepped in and threw me a shower so it didn’t fall on their shoulders). But I do feel regret when I see her in my wedding pictures and feel like it might as well have been a stranger standing beside me on my wedding day.

  4. Apple Bud Says:

    I feel like I’m the same way! I sort of have my hand in planning most of the activities. It can be so exhausting. My maid of honor and I have definitely grown apart during our 1 year engagment. She tries to plan things, but she’s awful at it! Sorry, that seems mean but she just doesn’t have a clue about weddings or planning get togethers like the bridal shower or bachelorette parties. Thankfully, most of the other bridesmaids are helping her out. I haven’t really had anyone complain about prices, dresses, etc. yet … I’m hoping that won’t be an issue.

    Good luck, I’m sure everything will turn out great. Remember that it is your day, don’t let anyone ruin that!

  5. Sunflower Bud Says:

    I am actually going through this exact same situation as we speak! It is a really tough thing to deal with, but I don’t like that whole “kicking out” a bridesmaid. So I will hope things fall back together. I hope they do for you and your bm as well!! Hang in there, I’m sure when it is down to crunch time she will pull it back together. :)

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