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Olive Bud

The Vows.

May 2nd, 2011 by     


I’m sure that I don’t have to start this post by asking who watched the Royal Wedding this morning – I mean, we all are brides or brides-to-be for crying out loud!

My two cents: Gorgeous wedding dress and some amazingly hideous fascinators. Seriously.

But, that is not what this post is about. I wanted to draw attention to the big headlines Miss Middleton made by announcing that she would NOT be using the word “obey” in her vows.

Backstory: Diana broke from royal tradition and protocol when she left “obey” out of her vows to Prince Charles in 1981, and the decision caused much controversy. So – people wondered if Kate would choose to say it or not. She decided not to –  She’ll promise to “love, comfort, honor and keep” her husband instead.

(From celebezine.com) “Kate and William are thought to have ditched the “obey” tradition  because they know each other so well and  treat each other as equals. The archbishop, the man who will marry the royal couple, has said that a wife’s pledge to ‘obey’ her husband could be used to justify domestic violence. The Church of England supports couples who decided not to include the word, just as Diana did when she married William’s father Prince Charles in 1981.”

Personally, I’m glad she didn’t use the word obey. I don’t think its fitting in a marriage to obey either person. But, anyway, this got me thinking about my vows to Olive Dude. We are having a Catholic priest marry us, but not inside a church. We want the ceremony to be quick – 15 minutes max. I have not yet decided if we will be saying the traditional Catholic vows, writing our own, or having some sort of mixture of both.

Traditional Catholic vows are as follows:

Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Part of me loves the tradition in those vows. It’s what my grandparents/parents/etc all promised to eachother. But – it does kind of seem a little bit short and I’m not sure if I’d like to take some creative liberty and tailor those vows to me and Olive Dude.

So – what do you all think of Kate’s wording choice? And – how did you decide on your wedding vows?

2 Responses to “The Vows.”

  1. Freesia Bud Says:

    Thank you for your background on this decision. I wasn’t exactly sure what I thought about the decision not to use the word “obey” in her vows, as I can be somewhat traditional in my views and feel that there is some degree to which I will look at my husband as a leader and should thus “obey” him. Now, with that said, this obeying business is clearly not permission for abuse or any other form of disrespect.

    Anyways, back to the Royal wedding, which as you said was fabulous, I like that William and Kate have held to some of these traditions that William’s mother started. It seems that leaving the word “obey” out doesn’t really leave much out of the vows to eachother. I appreciate her reasons for leaving that word out.

    Freesia Dude and I will be saying rather traditional vows and keeping our ceremony short and sweet. Our pastor will make it personal, while keeping the ceremony brief. As Freesia Dude expects to be quite nervous, we are veering away from writing our own vows and sticking to the repeat-after-me method :)

    Now, what do you think of William’s decision to not wear a ring? Any background there??

  2. Orchid Bud Says:

    I totally dig ditching “obey”. I honestly can’t remember any of my friends who had traditional church ceremonies using it. Orchid Boy and I are writing our own vows, but we are giving our officiant a copy so that we can still do the repeat after me thing.

    Vows are definitely a reflection of a couple so I’m generally not one to say this should or shouldn’t be included, but I definitely liked that she took them out. My father, of all people, reminds me where a lot of these wedding traditions come from and using the term “obey” is too much of a reminder that women were once property and her duty was to obey her husband. At the very least, it takes the romance right out of it, for me.

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