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When Push Comes to Shovel |
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March 31st, 2010 by Snapdragon Blossom
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I expected wedding planning to be hard, but I didn’t expect the drama that has sprung with each step closer we get to making our union official.
The title of this post comes from an energetic conversation my dude and I had last night in the car about all the chaos surrounding us. Though his English is better than most people I know who were actually born in this country, every once in a while he just misses the colloquial target and comes out with statements like, “When push comes to shovel, I guess I can’t really do anything about my parents not wanting to go to our wedding.”
It makes me want to stop and kiss him right in the middle of the road.
And yes, you heard me correctly. It looks as though his parents, who live with us and are supported by us, are turning down a free trip to Florida (we planned to cover their costs) for our destination wedding because at the end of the day they do not agree with his choice in a bride. I don’t speak their language. I don’t share their religion. I don’t subscribe to the traditions that bind their culture. Of course my dude is A-OK with all of that and is quite happy with the lady of his choosing (yes, that’s me), but they can’t let go of their disappointment so they are choosing to abstain from blessing us with their presence.
At this point of the planning process, just 40 or so days away, I have very little energy left to be angry about this. Especially since I am still dealing with the grief of my Grandmother’s passing, just 10 days go. It’s so strange. It’s like I see the angry emotions I should be experiencing just beyond my reach, but I just can’t get there to deal with them. More than anything, I am sad for my sweetheart. Sad that they are choosing to rob him of sharing this special day with them. That when he looks out to our friends and loved ones gathered on that Florida evening, he will certainly mark their absence. I find that to be tremendously unfair. And I guess when I really search my heart, I feel guilty. It is because of me that they will not be there. I know in my head that’s a ridiculous reaction, but by heart is struggling to see reason.
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Categories: Etiquette + Advice, Wedding Stress |
6 Comments |
March 31st, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Oh Snapdragon Bud, I wish I knew the words to make you feel better. I can’t even imagine the agony you are feeling, but after reading this post, the one thing I do know for sure… Snapdragon Dude is good people! Although moments like this make you feel like your falling apart, he will be there to pick you up. In a little more than a month, I hope more than anything, you can walk down that isle look right into his eyes and get lost in each other like no one else is around. Try as hard as you can to cherish that moment, as this is Mr. & Mrs. Snapdragon’s future… and nobody else’s.
March 31st, 2010 at 8:41 pm
I totally understand why you feel the way you do. I cannot understand the situation that you’re in, but it’s awesome that your dude has such a good attitude about it. When you decide to get married your allegiances switch from your families to each other. It sounds like you’ve got a great foundation.
April 1st, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I am sorry they are not coming. I cannot imagine not going to my child’s wedding…no matter the circumstances. We are facing similar issues in not being sure if my fiance’s mother is even coming either. It’s a big mess.
April 5th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
I don’t have any great advice for you except to hang in there! Each person makes their own decisions and it is NOT on your shoulders that your future husband’s parents are choosing their pride over supporting their son. I think it’s a shame, but I am sure your wedding will be beautiful regardless! The people who love and support you will be there and that is what matters!
April 8th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments– it’s great to know you are so supportive!
April 29th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Wow, what a terrible situation for you both. IMHO, it wouldn’t be out of line for your FI to sit down with them and say that you’ll be a family after the wedding, and as a family are not comfortable living with people who are clearly not supportive of you both, and since they clearly disapprove of you, then you’re sure they’d be more comfortable living somewhere else as well. Ask them to either find a way to get on board with this union or find somewhere else to live. You don’t need to feel like a second class citizen in your own home. Sorry that they’re not more supportive!