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2 Weddings and a… Family Feud?! |
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June 10th, 2009 by Geranium Blossom
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Well, in spite of my desperate attempts to avoid wedding-related drama and stress considering my current state of stress at work (sorry to keep bringing it up, but that is my reality right now), we have hit a tiny (ie. HUGE) road block. As the days pass, the impact seems to lessen, but suffice it to say, the long standing issues between my FH and his younger brother (much younger… ie. 13 years younger!!) seem to be surfacing right in the middle of our pre-nuptial stresses.
The background on this form of sibling rivalry is that lil bro is the quintessential baby of the family… could never do anything wrong, endlessly protected and defended even (ie. especially) in the face of obvious screw-ups on his part, and quite frankly, is always the centre of the attention. NOW, I am also the youngest in my family, but grew up with a mom who treated us identically… I’m talking Christmas present budgets to-the-penny-equal. So, it is difficult for me to watch my FH struggle to build a relationship with lil bro when he obviously resents him for the star role he has stolen from him, and his sister (2 years younger). Well, lil bro has definitely swooped in and stole the show from us… more importantly, from MY MAN… it pains me to see how this has hurt him.
Lil bro started dating a girl a couple of months ago… I’m talking 2 months ago people. His mom has mentioned that they are just head-over-heels, to which I have responded “lil bro falls head over heels when he meets ANY girl… this will last a couple of months most, just like the rest of them” (that’s me, the cynic talking!). We haven’t met this girl, so needless to say, we fell off our chairs when FH got a call from lil bro last week, telling him he had PROPOSED?!?! Yup, at the ripe age of 23, knowing the girl for 2 months, never having lived together, popped the question. But the best part… wait for it… the wedding date you ask?!?! 4 weeks after ours?!?! 1st weekend in October!! Yes, do the math dear readers… that means these two kids will be marrying 5 months after meeting. Don’t mind me, but I think that is ridiculous!!
My FH has taken serious offense to this news, and is absolutely livid that lil bro didn’t even have the decency to ask what we thought of him getting married right after us. Now, I know a lot of you are thinking, it’s no big deal, it’s a month after yours. And to be honest, I personally agree. I know it really isn’t the end of the world, but because of their history, and how badly my man has taken the news, I am offended. Lil bro knew this would be an issue (he even told his mom and dad that he didn’t want FH offended…), and he still couldn’t muster up the balls to speak to us directly.
The family has FOUGHT about this let me tell you. They won’t acknowledge FH’s feelings, or validate his concerns one bit, which is causing him to shut down. He doesn’t want to talk to them, he says he is hesitant to share things with them at all now, and while we both know what’s done is done and it’s time to move forward, I can’t help being sad that a wedge sits between my FH and his little brother, who is standing up for us, all over the issue of attention.
I understand why people elope… family feuds over weddings… not fun?!?! Help me… are we fair in feeling put out by this? Would you care if your younger sibling swooped in like this?
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Categories: Wedding Stress |
9 Comments |
June 10th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Wow what a story! Definitely sounds like lil bro is getting caught up in the excitement of wedding planning and wanted a piece of the action himself. I hope that you are able to be the bigger person and continue planning happily….but totally understand your frustration. Vent away!
June 10th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Yeah…I understand how that feels. After my hubby proposed my MOTHER decided she was marrying a guy she hadn’t seen in 10+ years that she had recently reconnected with via the interwebs. I came home to see her in MY WEDDING GOWN and had her tell me she was marrying him in December (3 months before me). I feel your pain!
June 10th, 2009 at 8:30 am
I am getting married in July this year… and my future Brother met and propsed to his ( now wife) 5 months after they had met… then they (knowing that my FH and I are getting married this year) decided they didn’t want to wait until after us so they got married in January… So I understand exactly how that feels. Yeah definitely feel your pain. I think you guys are right and fair in this. And I also did not appreciate the thunder being stolen from me.
Good Luck!
June 10th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Jenna… Noooooo?!?! Now that is a story for the history books, and definitely trumps any poor-us-feelings we had!! You poor thing! I am literally sitting here with my chin on the floor… how are you handling it?? Keep your chin up!! We are ALL thinking about you!!
Sunflower Bud: thanks for your words… you are right, it is now important that we are the bigger ones, and stay happy. The drama seems to be over, and everyone is licking their wounds, and before we know it, it will be our day… and the rest won’t matter!
June 10th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Deanne: thanks for your story! It is such a sensitive issue I guess (and am now glad I have shared our feelings, that we weren’t sure if we should be embarassed of or not), and it helps to hear all of your stories!
June 10th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Wow… I read your story and couldn’t believe it. I would be equally upset and would have a hard time with it. I wish you the best and hope that the brothers can get past this!!
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June 10th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
It certainly appears that you are not alone! My gosh! I can certainly understand how you both can take that pretty personally not to mention the fact that there was no communication from his little brother about what he was planning. Especially when there is an ongoing history of this type of behavior. I’m sure you are just overall concerned with the whole “been together for 2 months” nevermind the fact that they are getting married shortly after you.
While you can’t control what others do, you can most certainly rise to the occasion and show how mature and ready you both are for the commitment of marriage. I wonder if his little brother even knows what he is getting into!?!? I think my Dude and I are so extremely compatable and yet even with a slow progression over the past 7 years (from dating – to living in the same city but separately – to living together with roommates – to living on our own) there are still times when we learn something new about one another. I have to say I ‘knew’ pretty soon after dating the Dude but there was no way I was going to jump into anything… all in good time, right?
I just hope that you still whole-heartedly enjoy the planning process and your wedding day.
Oh ya and if you are thinking of having kids, you may want to already stake claim to kids names at this rate??!! Geez! (I say that half kidding and half serious)
June 11th, 2009 at 11:08 am
I too share your pains. Although not to the extreme of my own mother announcing her nuptials and than putting on my own gown!
When my husband and I were getting married, my younger sister gave birth to her fist child a month and a half before the wedding, so that meant she got pregnant after we announced the wedding. Since she was my maid-of-honor, my mother put her foot down and said she could not bring the baby to our bridal shower, thank goodness. But she did follow us by getting married the following February, we were married in August. Younger siblings just do that, they follow you. My sister has been doing it for years, first her wedding, than her first home, right after me. I think it flattering. And I really think that’s all it is.
Try not to stress it, not easy, I really understand!! Did I also mention, I was not on good speaking terms with my future in-laws either. You just got to deal with the stress or elope.
June 11th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
We are having a similar situation that has been frustrating. My FH is one of like 15 grandkids, but the first to get married. We will have been engaged for almost 2 years when we get married in July. We had announced the wedding and everything seemed to be going well, until about 3 months ago. His cousin that live in CO proposed to a girl he’d only know for about 3 months and they planned to get married 6 weeks after we are. Great, right? Well, their family is spread throughout the country and now people are having to choose which wedding they will attend because most can’t afford to travel to both. It is frustrating!