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My Dziadziu

April 20th, 2009 by     


Dear Buds, I am heartbroken to share that there will be one less loved one than I expected seated in church on my wedding day.  My beloved Dziadziu (Polish for grandfather) passed away.  He was 91 years old and led a long life filled with love and family. My grandparents were blessed with over 62 years of happy marriage, 5 children, 7 grandchildren, and more life experiences and memories than I can imagine.  Here is a recent picture of the young lovebirds, on their 62nd anniversary.

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July 2008

I know Dziadziu will be watching over me the day Periwinkle Dude and I marry, but it won’t be the same as having him there in person, to hug and sing Sto Lat and dance with me.  I know I should be grateful for the 28 years I was blessed to have my grandpa in my life, and I am.  But I also feel hurt and upset, and I can’t help but feeling that this is so unfair.  I don’t understand why this had to happen just 7 weeks before my wedding.  I realize nobody can live forever, but May is just around the corner and he promised me he would be there.  Every time I spoke with Dziadziu over the last few months he would tell me he was practicing his polka moves and looking for his dancing shoes.

I have been dreaming of sharing my wedding day with my grandparents ever since I can remember, and I still can’t accept the fact that he won’t be there.  While other little girls dreamed of the cake or the dress or the flowers, all I dreamed of was dancing with my new husband beside my grandparents.  Try as I may, I don’t understand why this had to happen now.  My lifelong dream of dancing with my grandfather on my wedding day is never going to come true.  I’m ashamed to admit this, but a part of me doesn’t even want to celebrate if my grandfather can’t be there with me.  I feel so blessed and honored that my grandmother will be there, cheering me on, and I could not get through the day without her.  But together my grandparents taught me about never-ending love, and they should be there, together, to celebrate with me.

The pain of losing someone I love so much, this close to a day that is supposed to be filled with joy and happiness, is beyond expression.  I sincerely hope that none of you have to face these feelings as you make your plans to marry the one you love.  For those of you who are lucky enough to have your grandparent(s) still in your life, please don’t take a single second you have with them for granted and enjoy every minute you have together.  I always valued the moments I shared with Dziadziu and I would give anything to feel my grandpa’s hugs or kisses or hear his voice again, telling me that he loves me.

One Response to “My Dziadziu”

  1. Amy Says:

    First, I want to say that my prayers are with you and your family during this time.

    Last July I lost my grandmother to a very long battle to cancer and I am still feeling the same feelings you are in regards to the wedding and not having her there. She passed on July 8 and our wedding is July 4 and knowing that it will be almost the 1 yr anniversary I know how difficult it is going to be for my family. My grandmother was a 4’10” pillar of strength for our entire family and her presence is still sadly missed everyday.

    I hope that through the pain, you’ll realize, as I myself try to remind myself daily, that they wouldn’t want us to be sad because we lost them. They loved us and want us to be happy in everything that we do and remember them fondly.