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Bridal Guilt

February 12th, 2009 by     


Since we got engaged and decided to have the wedding in California, I have felt that I am putting people out somehow. I’m not really big on having people do anything for me, and I like to take care of things myself. So when it comes to buying plane tickets, bridesmaid dresses, throwing me showers and a bachelorette party, and getting me a gift I begin to feel GUILTY. It makes me sad to think that others are sacrificing for our wedding.
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Examples:

  1. Only two of my bridesmaids are from CA. The others have to buy plane tickets for themselves and their spouses…along with possibly renting a car. The Dude has a groomsman and wife coming from Hawaii.
  2. Of course my parents could be going on some fabulous vacation this year if they werent paying for the wedding.
  3. Taking time off work stresses me out and I feel guilty for missing a week and a half.

I remember when I went to the Dude’s sisters wedding…

I got the, “So…you’re from California?”…I said, “Yes”…”Well, we hope the wedding will be here, cause I doubt anyone will be able to make it out to California.”

That’s only the beginning of it.

My Aunt (from California): What’s the wedding date? Oh, I might be able to make it, but your uncle and cousin (in jr. high) wont be able to. She has a volleyball tournament that weekend in Reno.

Of course I said, “thats OK, they dont have to be there”. But deep down it hurt a lot. Its sad to think that they would rather go to a volleyball tournament than come to my wedding.
I originally wanted to have a tiny destination wedding, but it turned into “you can’t not invite ____ or ____”. So we decided to make it bigger.

When I think about it, I would do anything for these friends, and family. But why is it so hard for me to accept that they want to do things for me? Now Im feeling bridal guilt. Am I the only one out there that feels this?

8 Responses to “Bridal Guilt”

  1. Plumeria Bud Says:

    I am right there with you. Since we’re having a destination wedding, I feel like the bridal guilt is magnified somehow.

  2. Terri Habecker Says:

    We recently had a family wedding on New Years Eve. Everyone was in California and couldn’t believe the excuses some of the “family” had to attend. Everything from previous plans with friends to coming late and leaving as soon as they could. It’s your Wedding Day and I think it should be everything you dreamed it would be. Once you’ve been married awhile, you’ll realize it’s your family and traditions that will shape your entire future together. Our daughter was married out of the country, in Costa Rica. Although we paid for her most imprtant family members to attend, it was beautiful, unique and very very affordable. We did get together for dinner before the flight with many family members that wouldn’t be coming to the wedding and it was ok. Everyone felt included. Perhaps a casual fun dinner couyld be planned before you leave? Don’t feel guilty….

  3. Sunflower Bud Says:

    Ah yes, the guilt. I know what you mean, but you can’t please everyone. This is you and dude’s Big Day, so as long as the two of you agree on the wedding site and date, that’s the most important thing. Think of it this way: it’s an invitation. If they don’t want to make the trek, they don’t have to. You have the rest of your life to visit with your new family, not just this one day. If anyone RSVP’s YES to your wedding then complains about it, I’d say that’s their problem. Oh and that other thing: it’s tradition for the wedding to be held in the bride’s hometown (or home state). That little tidbit helped me get over the guilt of having 50% of the guests travel to our wedding!

  4. Poppy Blossom Says:

    I still feel the guilt sometimes…try to ignore it. It will only bring you down on your wedding day. If some of your guests can’t come because of the date or location, just think of it as less money you have to spend. :)

  5. Amy Says:

    I completely understand. We are getting married on July 4th – and I thought it would be a great weekend, because of the long holiday weekend and people could travel on the Friday holiday and come in for the wedding, and not have to take anytime off work to come in. But it seems like this is not the case, we have received all kinds of complaints to it interferring with vacation plans to not wanting to miss tradition fireworks.

    I have also been feeling it about the guilt. We are getting married in the church my fiance has attended since he was born, and inviting the entire congregation has been a point of contention since day 1. My fiance and I both wanted a smaller wedding, considerably smaller than we are ending up having. My family, fiance and I are paying for the wedding. My MIL and FIL have offered to pay for the postage for the invitations, but they initally insisted on inviting the entire congregation of the 200+ member church – more than doubling the initial guest list. This was the battle I had initially prepared to fight and I told her this would not be possible. That was almost a year ago and every Sunday she still brings up the fact that we aren’t inviting everyone, even though most won’t come, and every time we talk about invites we have to talk about how we wouldn’t have to order more invites to do an open invite to the church. I’m trying to go with the flow of things and I try not to take it to heart because I feel like it’s our day, but the guilt is still there and it seems like ever increasing.

  6. Jenn Says:

    I think everyone at some point feels your pain! We got guilted into having two weddings. One in California and one in Missouri. I don’t really want to do it this way but my future groom’s mom wants to invite everyone and well it’s super cheap in Missouri so we are making it happen cause it’s just easier to. I get the same guilt when it comes to my bachelorette party too. “Don’t have it within the two months before your wedding, I can’t come cause of x!” I’m now realizing that if they want to come great, but I can’t accomodate everyones specific needs for everything. It’s supposed to be our day right?! =)

  7. Hydrangea Bud Says:

    I totally understand! I am from California, but live in Boston and am having the wedding in Boston. That means about half our guests have to fly in. But we tried to make it as easy as possible – the wedding is in Downtown (an easy taxi or shuttle ride from the airport), and at a hotel that they can stay in, so they do not have to rent cars and we don’t have to worry about transportation for everyone.

    Also, I fly back to California about twice a year for visits with family and friends. In 7 years of living in Boston, my mom has only visited me here twice, and my bridesmaids once. I think it’s about time for them all to visit me for a change. Tally – me: 14 visits, them 1.5. Even with a far greater number of visits (money for airfare) I do still sometimes feel the guilt. It was my choice to move, not theirs.

    But you should reconcile that with the advice of others above me. This is your day! If people love you and want to spend money to come to your wedding, then they will. If they can’t, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you – they might have other obligations or a limited travel budget. Try to get them to come to the shower, engagement party, or other pre-wedding events that you are having locally. They can still share in your happiness.

  8. iPad2 giveaway Says:

    Oh dear.. Many of these comments dont make sense?! Give the guy a break and prevent posting crap